Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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