My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize