I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
