I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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