If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
porn star boner night. come get it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
