By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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