i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
