You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
