We named our party play list daddy issues
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
