My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
