census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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