"it" just moved
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
