sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
