im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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