I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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