Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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