Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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