If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
