I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
