i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
