There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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