he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
