She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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