Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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