Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
