I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
