yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't notice because vodka
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
