I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
