our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
