I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
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At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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