so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
