Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
