Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
