are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
