you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
