Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
