my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
