Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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