How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think your dad took our porno
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
