How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That accounts for only three of the penises
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
