a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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