Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
