but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
