I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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