i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
