She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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