i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
