I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
