Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
