I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
