the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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