peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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