2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
