There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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