i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
