He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
