can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize