Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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