I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
