you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
