my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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