Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
