In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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