I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
