you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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