Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
