You really coming over, don't trick.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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