so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
