in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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