The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
