i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
