The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
