i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize