I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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