I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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