hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
