Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So vagazzling was a success
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
